im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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