Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
