Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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