It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
organizing the empties. That sober.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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