Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
