Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My life is pants optional.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
