dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
