No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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