There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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