Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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