How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Randomize
