Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
