nut hugger
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
