You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
