that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
