He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
