you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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