I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Im part way to drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
