so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
