dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
