Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
