i think my tv is drunk
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
