Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
