somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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