And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
