I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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