I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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