Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
