im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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