TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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