We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
