Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
