We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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