drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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