You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
