I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
