yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
