I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
