i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
