woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
