we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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