I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
