i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
