carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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