Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
