He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
