I am puke
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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