right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize