We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Farmville is her only friend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
