He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
