I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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